@Lake Pointe Church Richland Campus
Addiction (SA) groups offer Christ-centered support for men and women
seeking recovery from lust and compulsive sexual behaviors.
The cornerstone for our recovery is the power and love of Jesus
Christ. It is built upon the
fellowship of the group, having a safe place to share our struggles, pain,
and victories, with the accountability and the mutual support of the group
throughout the week.
do you know if the SA group is for you?
We offer the following observations of what is true for us:
share a common experience of engaging in sexual behaviors, which are
demoralizing and demeaning to another, or ourselves.
We feel unable to stop these behaviors, in spite of the adverse
consequences to our lives. We
have sacrificed relationships, hobs, or our humanity, and yet we continued
to engage in these damaging and compulsive behaviors.
of us share a common history of some type of childhood abuse.
We yelled at or told we were worthless or stupid or ugly. Today we recognize this as emotional abuse.
We were neglected, knocked down, or struck with objects.
Today we know this to be physical abuse.
Lastly, we were touched, pawed, coerced or forced into sexual
activities. Today we call
this sexual abuse. Whatever
abuses we suffered, we learned that to survive we had to find a way to
stop feeling the overwhelming and unbearable pain.
we built walls around our hearts. Lust
is a magical wall in that it give the illusion of connection.
So we feel safe, but we remain alone inside our prison.
Unconsciously we felt we were somehow broken, that we were
different from others and not normal.
Sex with ourselves or with others gave us the illusion of
acceptance and thus the cure to our worthlessness.
We needed a constant supply of sexual activity to stay cured.
To lust is to live. Lust
had become the most important thing in our lives.
Some of us were willing to risk and lost everything to get and keep
it. Only when we came face to
face with the truth that lust was a liar did we become willing to let it
go. Lust promises to connect
us with others and make us whole. But
it never does!
SEXUAL ADDICTION FOR
As women, sexual addiction is unique.
Our behavior ranged from sex with self, phone sex, cyber sex, and
pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit relationships, and
adultery. Some of us
participated in exotic dancing, escort services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively and
performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of
self worth. We were addicted
to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden.
We jeopardized our relationships, jobs, morals and values; we even
neglected our children. All
the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors.
As we lived a double-life, we became disconnected from reality,
making true intimacy with another impossible.
We carried this behavior from relationship to relationship and even
into our marriages.
ran from pain: the pain of shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse.
We lacked self worth and feared intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape.
We felt abandoned. We had a need to be in control and have power over others. We
had a void that could not be filled with fantasy, sex, or lust.
We learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies
by reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us.
This defined our belief system in a way that was not in line with
God’s plan for sexuality. Spiritually, we were bankrupt.
How did we get here?
Sexual addiction is progressive.
What started as a little flirtation or a “curiosity”, the line
we chose to cross, set us into motion for the next line we chose to cross.
We told ourselves that the next sexual act would be better and more
lasting, but it never was. Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing
relationships, our marriages, jobs, material possessions, and, in some
cases, our children. For
many, the risks of sexually transmitted diseases (STD) are now a reality.
And finally, we hit a bottom.
By working through the Christ-centered 12 Steps and 8 Recovery
Principles with Jesus Christ as our Higher Power, we can and will change.
We experience the true peace and serenity we have been seeking when
we admit that we are powerless and when we give our lives and our wills
over to the care of God. We begin to replace old behaviors with healthy
ones. We learn to avoid
triggers and crossover addictions by recognizing them and turning them
over to our Higher Power. We
commit to sexual sobriety one day at a time. We find true freedom as we
accept God’s standards for our sexuality, allow God access to our
thought life, and cooperate with Him as He changes our belief system.
SEXUAL ADDICTION –
BREAKING IT DOWN…
behavior of Sexual Addiction
Multiple adultery – Illicit relationships
– Sex with self (masturbation) – Sexual Fantasy – Pornography –
Promiscuity – Internet Chat Rooms – Phone sex – Exhibitionist – Exotic dancing – Serve
as an escort/prostitution – Swapping (couples)
– Intentional provocative dress –
Sexual encounters/Sexual relationships with women –
double life – High-risk situations – Predator
that fuel Sexual Addiction
Lust – Being lusted after – Control,
power over others – Rebelliousness – Selfishness – Extreme
justification – Blame game – Resentful – Revengeful – Self
issues of Sexual Addiction
The need to be nurtured – Fear of
Intimacy – False Intimacy – Lack of self worth
If you answer “yes” to at least 10 of these questions, you might consider exploring this area of recovery.
If you answer “yes”
to at least 10 of these questions, you might consider exploring this area
_____ Have you ever thought you need help for your sexual thinking
_____ That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving
_____ That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
_____ Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was
wrong in your sexual behavior?
_____ Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety,
or because you can’t cope?
_____ Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depressions afterward?
_____ Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
_____ Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
_____ Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
_____ Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes
sexual overtures or sex is offered?
11. _____ Do you keep
going from one relationship or lover to another?
12. _____ Do you feel the
right relationship would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so
13. _____ Do you have a
destructive need – a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
14. _____ Does pursuit of
sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or
15. _____ Has your
effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more
16. _____ Do you lose
time from work for it?
17. _____ Do you turn to
a lower environment when pursuing sex?
18. _____ Do you want to
get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
19. _____ Although your
spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with
WOMEN IN A RELATIONSHIP
Co-addicts may share the following experiences-
Having a spouse who has continually called “900” sex numbers
Having a spouse who is currently having or has had an affair
They, themselves, are having an affair
Issues dealing with molestation and abuse from spouse
Their spouse having homosexual affairs
Their spouse watching adult sex videos and buying pornography
Their spouse having sex with prostitutes
a Christ-centered recovery group, the Co-addict can achieve the following:
Allow the co-addict to hear the struggles of other co-addicts.
Learn healthy, Christian values for family roles and rules.
Gain information about healthy sexuality and relationships
Break through denial and other family patterns
Encouragement from the group to find peace, strength and grace
through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Build healthy relationships by finding love and acceptance in a
“safe” place to share
term co-addict refers to codependent behaviors.
In essence, co-addicts are addicted to their spouse’s or
significant other’s behaviors. We
either give in to them or try to control them or make them stop.
All books and materials refer to the spouse of a sex addict as a
co-addicts we recognize that we need the recovery process to heal
ourselves and grown in our relationship with God.
of us blame ourselves for the addict’s behavior:
“If only I were prettier”
“If only I were thinner”
“If only I were taller or shorter”
“If only I were more sexual”
We give in to them, only to lose ourselves
in the process. Sometimes we
have even participated in their sexual fantasies, or joined in by buying
pornography or renting videos, leaving us feeling
used and abused. Some of us ignored or did not recognize the signs that the
addict was living a secret life.
Many of us blame the addict and his
behavior for every problem in our relationship.
We believe that if they would only change, everything would be
We have tried to control the addict’s
behavior, thinking that as long as they follow our directions or
suggestions, they will stop being a sex addict. We have sometimes pretended to family, friends, and
co-workers that everything is “wonderful”.
We have been unforgiving and sometimes punishing toward the addict.
We came to realize that we could not
control the addict or the behavior. We
understand that our problems are emotional and spiritual.
We have become ready to face our denial and accept the truth about
our lives and our pas issues. We realize that blaming ourselves, trying to control the
addict and/or ignoring the behavior, refusing to set and uphold our own
personal boundaries, are all signs of co-addiction.
We are ready to accept responsibility for
our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives.
We are dedicated to learning about sexual addiction and
co-addiction and becoming partners with our spouse or significant other in
recovery. We realize we are
not responsible for their addiction or recovery. It is not our job to “cure” them. We are willing to find healthy ways to release our fear and
anger and refuse to use anger inappropriately towards the addict.
We realize our group provides a safe place
to share our fears, hurt or anger and also is a place to rejoice in
victories. We have become
willing to face our own defects and work through these feeling in our
group. We are willing to take
the focus off of the addict and focus on God and our own thoughts and